May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month with May 7th being International Maternal Mental Health Awareness Day. On May 1st, to kick off the month, the UNC Center for Women’s Mood Disorders hosted a Maternal Mental Health Awareness Day. I had the privilege of participating in the event.
I Learned on My Trip to Malta that the Country Addresses Maternal Mental Health
April 14, 2015
I recently had the opportunity to visit the country of Malta. Malta is a beautiful Island located South of Italy in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. Before my trip, I learned from Wendy Davis, the Executive Director of Postpartum Support International, that there was a Perinatal Psychiatrist in Malta. Wendy was able to connect the two of us via email. As a result the doctor and I were able to meet one evening while I was in Malta.
It was wonderful meeting Dr. Ethel Felice as well as her lovely daughter, Elena, who also works in the area of perinatal mental health as a psychology assistant. According to Dr. Felice, the annual birth rate in Malta is about 4,000 births. Even though Malta is a small country, it is addressing perinatal mental health including the rare cases of postpartum psychosis. I am encouraged to learn that moms and dads have properly trained professional resources available to them. They are also planning to start a support group sometime in the future.
Ethel and Elena were both appreciative that I donated a copy of my book, A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness, as a resource for them as well as for moms and families. It is exciting to have a copy of my book in Malta and I hope it encourages all that read it. My trip to Malta has been a memorable experience for many reasons. One of the best memories will be meeting Ethel and Elena.
Stigma is Real and Stigma.com is Making a Difference
March 2, 2015
Congratulations to Stigmama.com! The website is celebrating its one year anniversary. Walker Karraa, PhD began the site because she believes in the power of women, especially those who have been touched by mental illness or mental difference, to create change.
According to Walker, “We are different. We see what others don’t, write what others won’t, and give beauty to the deepest experiences of motherhood and the human soul.”
STIGMAMA was created for mothers of all ages to speak their truths in a non judgmental, supportive, creative community. Walker wants women to share wisdom and support each other in unpacking stigma of mental difference in motherhood.
I commend Dr. Karraa and the awesome contributors for their efforts in stamping out stigma. Stigma is real and we all can do our part to help eliminate it.
This InLinkz account has expired. You can still view the linkup here
Honored that NAMI has Reviewed My Book, A Mother's Climb Out of Darkness
February 6, 2015
Thank you, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), for recently reviewing my book, A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness. I am truly honored. I have provided an excerpt and link to the entire review below:
In America, after a woman goes through childbirth, there is often a strong focus on her physical well-being, but the state of her mental and emotional health may be overlooked. In light of recovering physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, Jennifer Hentz Moyer shares her experience with post-partum psychosis in her memoir A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness. – See More
If you haven’t had a chance to read my book, I hope you will consider doing so as I have been receiving encouraging feedback from those that have read it.
Here are links to more reviews:
The Importance of Support in Crisis Plan
January 20, 2015
As we begin a new year, it is important that we look ahead but also that we learn from the past. I, personally, know the importance of support in a crisis. In the past, I have had many a crisis but thankfully, I now have knowledge that I did not have back then.
Back in October 2013, I was trained on the SAMSHA approved WRAP (wellness recovery action planning), which enabled me to develop a formal plan that would be used in my recovery management. I was waiting for my husband to return from his overseas job in November 2013, in order to finalize the crisis portion of the plan. It was a busy six weeks while he was home, so we never got to complete it. He had to return to work but all was well so I put it aside until had time to complete it. In March 2014, I had a situation arise when I was meeting the deadline for my manuscript, for my recently published book A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness. It was positive stress but anytime I experience sleep deprivation, I am vulnerable to developing further symptoms. In March 2014, the situation ultimately leveled out once my sleep pattern was restored.
As a result of March 2014, I knew I needed to make the completion of my WRAP plan a priority but again, the schedule did not allow for me to sit down with key support people (there will be 5 in total) to finalize the plan.
Fast forward to December 2014. Again, I had some positive stress that caused sleep deprivation but this time I also had some concern when I was under the impression that my husband did not have a way to communicate in case of an emergency (via Satellite Phone) in his current work location. There were also some time-consuming issues (health insurance related as well as an incidence of credit card fraud on one of my cards) that contributed to my having a serious crying spell. My amazing son had not seen his mom have such a crying spell in recent years. He was unaware that I had already contacted my therapist. He began to reach out for help. This began the cycle of all that happened. My son did the best he could under the circumstances but as a 19 year old he is still learning.
I will not get into all of the details of what transpired after that but ultimately, some individuals that were attempting to help me, did not realize the full extent of the situation. Nor did they understand that my doctor had communicated with me and I was following her course of treatment. Unfortunately, I did not get the opportunity to DIRECTLY speak with her as I did back in March 2013. So she initially did not understand that the sleep deprivation was a contributing factor and had become severe. But as back in March 2014, once the medication to address it was prescribed, I began to sleep for 8 hours, which is essential for me especially during times of stress.
Unfortunately, due to the lack of DIRECT communication with me, some individuals believed I was psychotic and in need of hospitalization. Hospitalization is the LAST resort in my case due to PTSD (post-traumatic stress symptoms I have surrounding past hospitalizations). My doctor is aware of my wishes but due to the indirect information she was receiving, she did not get the entire picture. Sadly, due to the fact that some involved made assumptions and did not communicate properly with me, the erroneous belief that I needed to be forcibly hospitalized evolved (FL Baker Act law require suicidal, homicidal or complete inability for self-care). This was not the case but again with out direct communication with the me, the patient, how would one know?
Thankfully, as Florida law does allow, I was able to request voluntary evaluation at the facility that I have requested to use if hospitalization is ever necessary. Because I was properly evaluated and screened, I was released on my own accord. Thank God my brother came in to town because he was the only one that has known me for my entire life so he had a perspective that others did not. My final discharge was on my own accord and to return, if future symptoms. Symptoms that subsided once my sleep was regulated.
It is important to understand the importance of your support people. I recognize that some have no family but we can make our family and reach out to friends, professionals or anyone we want to be involved in our treatment and recovery.
I have finalized my WRAP plan and the 5 support people I named (who will have to agree to be one) will receive a copy as well as my therapist and doctors. In the state of Florida, in order to have a legalized document, I have to name one person to be my patient representative, who oversees the crisis portion of the plan along with the support individuals. I can also provide copies to any of my friends or family that would like to have one for future reference. But keep in mind for those individuals it is for informational purposes only and only the named support individuals will have decision-making authority.
We are human and sometimes people forget the most important person involved in the situation. the person going through the crisis. Wellness and recovery are possible but we can not do it alone.
Many Blessings to you in 2015 and in the years to come.
Jennifer
Interview with Colby and Amanda Taylor on their Postpartum Psychosis Experience
December 5, 2014
This month I am sharing an interview with Colby and Amanda Taylor on their Postpartum Psychosis experience. This couple is sharing their experience publicly in order to help others. Thank you Colby and Amanda for your willingness to share.
1. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Colby: I am 34 years old and recently left the ministry of Young Life where I was involved for nearly 10 years. I am originally from Kansas and graduated from Kansas State University. I enjoy working out, spending time with my family and investing in the lives of others.
Amanda: I am 29 years old and have been married for 8 years. We have four kids, ages 5, 4, 2, and 1 (one girl and 3 boys). Some of the things I like to do are go running, read a book, mail gifts to others, play with the kids, and go on date nights with the hubs.
2. How did you first learn about postpartum psychosis?
Colby: Amanda was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis last year and had 2 stints in a Psychiatric hospital. It was while waiting in the ER that I first learned about PPP through a friend who had looked it up online.
Amanda: I had never even heard of postpartum psychosis until the doctor diagnosed me with it in March 2013. I was in the mental hospital for 7 days after the birth of our fourth child, and that is when I first heard what PPP was.
3. Since you both have different perspectives, in your own words, briefly share about the onset of your postpartum psychosis experience?
Colby: It was after the birth of our 4th son. She began exhibiting manic behavior and becoming very agitated and angry. The day I took her to the ER she had been missing for over 6 hours and when found she was in the process of buying 2 cars and a house.
Amanda: It was 12 days after our fourth child was born. It was a Tuesday. I hadn’t slept in 8 days. I was full of energy, overly happy; everything was perfect (otherwise known as manic- in my situation). I left the house and felt like God was leading me to buy a house and two new cars, so I didn’t tell Colby because I was going to surprise him. I spent $8,000 in 6 days, all without telling my husband. I became violent and angry. Something was not right.
4. What did you find the most challenging in getting the help you needed?
Colby: There is not a lot of information about postpartum psychosis out there. No one knew exactly where to go or what was going on, even the medical professionals seemed very vague as to her condition. Getting answers was probably one of the hardest parts of this.
Amanda: I felt very isolated in the Psychiatric hospital. No one knew what to do with me. I just had a baby 12 days prior, and they almost didn’t let me bring my personal breast pump in my hospital room. I was in the same room with schizophrenia patients and patients that tried to commit suicide and my situation was 100% different but I feel like they just clumped me in with the others.
5. What is the one thing that helped you the most in dealing with your experience with postpartum psychosis?
Colby: Our relationship with Christ was the most significant in helping us get through. Outside of that learning to ask for help was the most important.
Amanda: Honestly, we could not have gotten through it without the Lord. I was so close to hurting myself and/or the kids. I am so thankful for God’s help and protection. I also am thankful for modern medicine and counseling. Those two helped me greatly.
6. What message would you like to share with families facing postpartum psychosis?
Colby: That you can get through this and that you are not alone. This illness is beatable and we are here to help you get through it. Your marriage is worth fighting for and keeping your family healthy is not impossible. Be transparent and ask for help, surround yourself with a community of believers that will help walk through this with you. Seek professional help for your spouse and for you, be proactive in safe guarding your marriage and family. Don’t be intimidated by doctors or medical professionals. If you feel that you are not getting the answers you need than ask until you do. Pray on your knees every day and seek Christ with all of your heart! Allow God to teach you what true reliance on His strength looks like. Learn to get away and take time for yourself. It is most beneficial to find something to distract your mind from your situation. Allow yourself grace as you will make mistakes and you will learn from them, no one expects you to handle this perfectly and that is ok.
Amanda: It is not a long-term illness. It can be. But it also, doesn’t have to be. 18 months out, I feel like good ol’ normal Amanda. I never thought I would feel normal. It took a little over a year to feel like I was back to normal. I want to tell others to not be afraid to ask for help. I can’t imagine going through this alone. We need help and support from others. Also, don’t be opposed to medicine. Faith is very important to me, but I couldn’t pray my way out of postpartum psychosis. I had to take medicine, seek counseling, and be on top of my healing. Be pro-active. You will make it through! We are here to help with whatever you need!
Thank you, Amanda and Colby Taylor, for this interview and your willingness to reach out to others. Readers can learn more about the Taylors on their website at www.colbyandamandataylor.com
The interview questions are prepared by Jennifer H. Moyer for her website/blog and answers will be published on her website www.jennifermoyer.com with permission from Amanda and Colby Taylor.
Enjoyed Being an Exhibitor at the 2014 Alternatives Conference in Orlando
November 9, 2014
I recently had the opportunity to be an exhibitor at the Alternatives Conference in Orlando, Florida. The Alternatives Conference is held by the National Mental Health Consumers’ Self-Help Clearinghouse. The theme of the 28th annual conference was Creating the Future: Change, Challenge, Opportunity. The conference presenters and attendees are comprised of mental health consumers/survivors.
As an exhibitor, I represented Maternal Mental Health and gave out information on that topic. I had the privilege of meeting many of the attendees and some of the presenters. I got to learn from others who are working in the area of mental health as well as hear personal stories of some of the attendees. It broke my heart to learn that in Ohio there are moms losing their babies just because they have a mental health diagnosis. This is not only discrimination and abuse of agency power but, in my opinion, it seems to be a civil rights violation. The fact that this is occurring shows just how ignorant and misinformed the state’s child welfare agency must be. I am certain this is happening in more states that Ohio.
Why is the assumption being made that just because a mom has a mental health diagnosis, she is a negligent mother and cannot take care of her baby or child? Why instead are there not services or resources provided to assist the mother in managing her illness, maintaining stability and overcoming obstacles she may face? Why is this violation of rights occurring? How can the brokenness of this system be repaired? I have to remain hopeful that things can change.
Being an exhibitor at the conference allowed me to meet many wonderful individuals. Everyone I met contributes or assists others in the area of mental health. They all have a voice that needs to be heard. Just because someone receives a mental health diagnosis, it does not make him or her less important or justify losing individual rights. Those I met have overcome adversity and are productive, resilient individuals despite the challenges that have been faced and that continue to be faced.
The Alternatives Conference was an experience that rejuvenated, encouraged and assured me that I should continue my efforts in advocating in the area of mental health related to childbearing. I hope those advocating in the area of mental health will continue to do so and that many others will join the efforts of speaking up and speaking out for the rights of individuals facing mental health challenges.
My Experience at the International Marce Society Conference in Wales
October 5, 2014
September was an exciting time for me as I took my first overseas trip. The highlight of my trip was attending the International Marce Society Conference in Wales. The conference theme was “Creating Change in Perinatal Mental Health.” It was an honor to meet individuals from all over the world striving to make a difference in the area of perinatal mental health. The conference objectives were:
- To promote and gain a greater understanding of behavioural and neuro sciences and the impact on perinatal mental health.
- Examine the diversity of international interventions and explore the efficacy of these and application to research and practice.
- Network with colleagues from across the globe to share research ideas, develop practice and enhance existing ideas.
- Create change in perinatal mental health to ensure every mother and her infant has access to the best possible care.
My experience was that the conference met all these objectives. For me, I definitely came away with much more knowledge and understanding of perinatal mental health. The plenary sessions included cutting edge research presented by experts in perinatal mental health. A few of the symposiums I attended included “Screening and Mood Disorders”, “Bipolar Disorder and Childbirth – Perspectives from around the World” and “Recent developments in Bipolar Disorder and Postpartum Psychosis.” It was amazing to learn how much is being done in other countries in the area of perinatal mental health.
A highlight of the conference for me was meeting several members of the team involved with the APP (Action Postpartum Psychosis) United Kingdom Network. The resources, the peer support network and the research opportunities that APP offers are incredible. My hope is that the organization can serve as a role model for other countries in addressing postpartum psychosis.
Of course, being able to present my poster on Perinatal Mental Health and Advocacy: From Crisis to Contribution was a privilege for me. As you can see from the photo above, I was excited and proud to be able to participate in a poster session.
The conference encouraged me and motivated me to continue my advocacy efforts in the area of mental health related to childbearing, in particular in increasing awareness and understanding of postpartum psychosis. The United States has a long way to go but strides have been made and continue to be made. I am blessed to be able to partake in the efforts now and in the future.
So Excited to be Going to the International Marce Society Conference in Wales
September 7, 2014
I am honored to be able to attend The International Marce Society Conference in Wales this September. The Marce Society for Perinatal Mental Health is dedicated to supporting research and assistance surrounding prenatal & postpartum mental health for mothers, fathers and their babies. I am honored to be a member.
This will be my first time attending one of their biennial conferences. It is an amazing opportunity and a privilege that I will be able to attend. I am excited about seeing familiar faces. I am excited about meeting many individuals, who dedicate their efforts to mental health related to childbearing. I am also excited that the presentation proposal I submitted was accepted as a poster presentation. I must admit is was a challenge converting an oral presentation into a poster presentation but with some assistance it has been accomplished. My poster is scheduled to be on display on September 11th.
Although since 2001 September 11th is a solemn day, it always has been and still is a special day of celebration for me because it is my father’s birthday. This year my World War II pilot dad would be 91 years old. Although he passed away nearly 6 years ago, he was supportive of my advocacy efforts and would be pleased that they are continuing at an even greater level today. So as I attend the conference this year, it will be a time of honor and celebration of where I am in my journey as well as a special time of remembrance of my dad.
I look forward to my experience and being able to write about amazing things upon my return. Stay tuned…
We Must Prevent Tragedies Surrounding Postpartum Psychosis
August 9, 2014
Why do tragedies continue to happen when postpartum psychosis is a preventable and treatable illness that can strike any mother after the birth of a baby? It has been over 18 years since the onset of postpartum psychosis occurred in my own life and we still have not properly addressed the illness. This is one of the reasons why I wrote the recently published book, A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness.
When I was struck with postpartum psychosis at 8 weeks after my baby was born, my family and I had no idea that the illness existed let alone what the symptoms and risks were. My son was 4 years old when I learned more about postpartum psychosis. It was then that I became motivated to increase awareness, treatment and prevention of mental illness related to childbearing.
Back in 1996, the internet and technology were not what they are today. The resources were not available as they are today. In order to forgive and move on, I had to contribute the way I was treated by the medical and professional community to ignorance. But that is not a legitimate reason today.
What are the reasons that tragedies surrounding postpartum psychosis continue? Why are moms still dying by suicide when with the proper care and treatment they can get better? Why does the media sensationalize the tragedies and rarely address the solution to preventing the tragedies? I wish I had all the answers to these questions but I do not. What I do have is my opinion on what can be done to prevent further tragedies.
- Prenatal education and screening for prevention and early detection
- Properly trained and experienced professionals in the area of perinatal mental health
- Community-wide resource networks for prevention, early intervention and proper treatment
- Medical evaluation, counseling, appropriate medication and support must all be addressed in treatment
This all seems easy enough to accomplish so why are we still so far behind? Is maternal mental health not a priority in the United States? Maybe not but the good news is that there are many, many of us out there doing what we can to prevent these tragedies and work towards achieving what is recommended above. If we all do our part, even if it is as simple as asking a mom how she is doing and not just focusing on how the baby is doing, more progress can be made. Support and education are critical in prevention.
Every mom holds a critical role in the family and the community. Let’s take a stand for them and start addressing their mental health needs.
Resources and References:
The Book, A Mother's Climb Out of Darkness, was Released in June at the PSI Conference
July 10, 2014
I am honored to say that my book, A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness published by Praeclarus Press, was released in June at the Annual Postpartum Support International Conference. It is amazing that my dream has become a reality. The book title, the chapter names and content of the book all came together rather smoothly when I began the project back in 2003. So when the journey in trying to get the book published began in late 2006, I never imagined it would have been so challenging or that it would have taken so long.
I received many rejections and gave up several times but something would cause it to resurface and I would pursue getting it published once again. The final attempt led me to Maryann Karinch with The Rudy Agency. Because Maryann took the time to assist and direct me, the path ultimately led to the book being published. I am a believer that if something is meant to happen, it will but it may not happen as you expect or in the time frame you would like. Perseverance is essential as well.
I am grateful that the book now is in the hands of others. My goal in writing the book is to bring hope and inspiration to others facing challenges whether in the area of mental health or just life, in general. The message is to not give up and to let others know that there is help, there is hope and you are not alone.
I provided links below for you to review. I hope you consider reading the book, which is available in paperback and now also in Kindle/ebook format. It is so important that maternal mental health as well as mental health, in general, be addressed. I hope my book can be a contribution in increasing awareness, proper treatment and prevention. May it bless all who read it.
A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness Facebook Page
A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness Amazon Paperback Version
A Mother’s Climb Out Of Darkness: A Story about Overcoming Postpartum Psychosis [Kindle Edition]
The Importance of Support During Postpartum Period
May 9, 2014
Not too long ago I had the pleasure of visiting a couple, who are dear friends of mine. It was a very special visit because I got to meet their 3 day old baby. I believe that every baby is a blessing but for this couple, it is an extra special blessing. Their journey in becoming parents has taken over 17 years. They had come to the place of acceptance that they would never have a baby so you can imagine the joy they felt when she found out she was pregnant.
It was awesome to see a baby in their arms and for me to be able to hold the precious new life. It brought back fond memories of the first 6 weeks of my postpartum period. I remember that once I recovered from the physical demands of labor and delivery, I was able to slip in to my new role of motherhood with a peace and joy that felt different than anything I had experienced before.
I believe the support that I received from my family and friends during that postpartum period prevented an earlier onset of postpartum psychosis. If I had not received the practical, and emotional support during that period, I believe the demands of motherhood would have taken a toll on me much earlier. Although the eventual onset of postpartum psychosis may not have been prevented, in my opinion, support played a role in the unusually late onset of postpartum psychosis.
Since I had no history of mental illness nor did I know postpartum psychosis existed, I often wonder whether postpartum psychosis could have been prevented in my case. My family and I were unaware of any early warning signs or symptoms. Now that I know more about postpartum psychosis, I can look back and recognize how the pattern of sleep deprivation and eventual isolation took its toll on me. Maybe if I knew then what I know now, when I began to have unfounded fears for my baby and I, I could have reached out for help before it became a crisis situation.
As I contemplate my postpartum period and how much the support helped me, I am more sensitive to the needs of others during the postpartum adjustment period. Something as simple as friends providing meals during the first week or two can make a difference. Checking in on the family regularly to see if they need anything is also helpful.
In my case, I was far away from most of my extended family, so the direct support I received eventually did taper off. In cases when family and friends are not or cannot be there to provide support, I encourage moms to consider hiring a postpartum doula or finding other resources such as Healthy Start, which is available in most areas of the United States.
I encourage all mothers to reach out during the postpartum adjustment period and be open to support from others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and be willing to accept the type of support that can help you during this hectic time.
If you need immediate help, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
If you are looking for local pregnancy or postpartum support and resources in your area, please call or email:
Postpartum Support International Warmline (English & Spanish): 1-800-944-4PPD (4773)
Email: support@postpartum.net
www.postpartum.net
Other Related Links:
Winning Memoir in Seasons of Our LIves - Autumn Edition from WomensMemoirs.com
May 4, 2014
I am pleased to have my short story “The Season that Changed Me Forever” included in the EBook: the Seasons of Our Lives – Autumn Edition from WomensMemoirs.com.
I submitted a short memoir for a contest hosted by WomensMemoir.com. My memoir was chosen as one of the winners for the Autumn edition. There is an EBook available for each season. So many amazing contributions were made to the EBooks, which were published back in the winter. It is an honor to have my memoir included with the stories of so many amazing writers. Please be sure to check the EBooks out. Feel free to leave a review on Amazon and check out my Amazon Author Page as well.
The Book is Going to Be Published
March 28, 2014
Greetings!
I hope you have been getting through the cold and trying winter over the past several months. It has been a challenging one for me.
For those of you that read my last blog posted on January 19th, Three Things We Can Learn from Our Pets, you are aware that our family dog was not doing well at that time.
Sadly, she passed away in February. I was so grateful to have been able to care for her and spend time with her the last few weeks of her life. She was a special part of our family and it is hard saying goodbye. She will be missed.
Despite this sad event that occurred for me this winter, there is another reason, a much happier one, that I have been absent with my posts since January 19th. I signed a contract in January for my memoir: A Mother’s Climb Out of Darkness: A Story About Overcoming Postpartum Psychosis. It has been busy ever since as I had to focus on editing my manuscript in order to turn it in to the publisher by the beginning of March.
I still can not believe it is finally happening. After years of striving to get my manuscript published, I had nearly given up. Thankfully, I did not. I am reminded that things do not always happen in our timing.
To be at this point is amazing. This dream is becoming a reality. I am so thankful to the ones who helped me get to this point. If you would like to follow the progress of the book, you can like my book Facebook page:
www.facebook.com/amothersclimboutofdarkness.
You can also stay tuned to the book website:
www.amothersclimboutofdarkness.com.
I truly appreciate you for following my posts and subscribing to my blog. I hope you have found valuable information and encouragement along the way. I promise to be back blogging regularly as soon as the manuscript is finalized with the publisher. Will keep you posted on the progress as plans are for a June 2014 book release.
I hope 2014 will be a blessed year for all of us.
With Warm Regards and Blessings,
Jennifer
3 Things We Can Learn From Our Pets
January 19, 2014
Thankfully able to spend some quality time with her. Here she is enjoying a beautiful, sunny day. She loves the sun just like her mama. :-)
It has been a rough few days as our sweet dog of nearly 13 years, is experiencing kidney failure and her time with us is coming to an end. Through the tears and realization of how much she will be missed, I began to think of how important she has been to our family. Having her in our lives has taught us many things but there are three things that stand out the most to me.
- Unconditional Love: One thing our dog has always shown us is her unconditional love. She does not get mad at us nor hold a grudge. No matter what kind of day we have, she is always happy to see us. We do not have to do anything to win her approval to receive her love. Her love for us is genuine. She accepts us for who we are in spite of our faults.
- Companionship: She loves being with us. She gives freely of her time. She enjoys spending time just being near us regardless of how much attention we are giving her. When our lives are busy and our time with her is limited, she seems at peace with being alone. Yet, at the same time, she has come to know we are reliable and can expect us to be there for her whenever she needs us.
- Happiness: Her joy and happiness are evident when she greets us and excitedly wags her tail. No matter what her day has been like, she never gets angry with us. She does not complain and, in fact, rarely does she bark at us attempting to cast any blame. Despite her inability to talk, her happiness with us is always evident.
Having a dog in our lives has been a privilege. It is sad knowing there will always be a void after she is gone. The lessons I have learned as a pet owner are lasting. The experience has helped me grow as an individual as well as help strengthen all of my relationships.
Whether a pet owner or not, my hope in sharing what I have learned is that all, who read this post, will be reminded of how important our perspective is in all of our relationships. In my opinion, a dog’s perspective can be a role model for us all.
USA Book Release of Back from the Brink
January 2, 2014
Today is the official USA release date of the book, Back from the Brink by Graeme Cowan, published by New Harbinger. If you have severe depression or bipolar disorder, it is important to remember that you are not alone.
The book features interviews with people from all walks of life, including myself. Back from the Brink is filled with real stories of hope and healing, information about treatment options and medication, and tools for putting what you’ve learned into practice. If you are ready to put one foot in front of the other and finally set out on the path to recovery, the powerful stories in this book will inform and inspire you to make lasting change.
The author, Graeme Cowan, lived through a five-year episode of depression that his psychiatrist described as the worst he had ever treated. This fueled his desire to prevent others from going through the same thing. Through this horrific experience, and his own extensive research, he has guided, taught, and inspired countless people through his books, keynote presentations, and media appearances.
I am honored to be a part of the book. I believe the book will be both helpful and inspirational to those who read it.
Check out the book trailer below:
BACK FROM THE BRINK – official book trailer on YouTube
My Life was Forever Blessed Eighteen Years Ago
November 24, 2013
It is hard to believe that it was eighteen years ago today that I was blessed with my wonderful baby boy. Where does the time go? At times it seems like it was only yesterday that my son was born. Although the journey has been challenging, it is all worth it to have my son in my life.
I embraced my role as a mother so it was completely unexpected when postpartum psychosis came upon me like a tornado when my son was eight weeks old. Although postpartum psychosis robbed me of precious time with my baby boy, I can cherish the joyful time I had with my baby during the first six weeks of his life.
Yes, I experienced postpartum psychosis and its aftermath but I am able to say that it no longer defines who I am. It took years to get to the point that I am today. As I look back, there were times it seemed impossible that I would overcome the challenges I faced. But I did. I can honestly say that I would go through it all again in order to have my son in my life. Also, I can say that it is because of all that I went through that I now strive to share with others that it is possible to turn challenges into blessings.
The fall season is my favorite time of year. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I am grateful that I am able to celebrate my son’s birthday during a time that the focus is on giving thanks for the blessings in life.
Sometimes Life Gets in the Way
November 3, 2013
October was a busy month. The month went well. I completed a training that will enable me to train others on consumer involvement in leadership, civic participation and organizational skills. In fact, my blog post for this week was going to be about the training. But sometimes life gets in the way.
My focus and attention changed this weekend when I learned that one of my sisters was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully, it seems to have been caught early. Needless to say, as a result of the news, my mind has not been focused on writing my blog. I thought of just not writing at all but instead I thought it would be better to be real and honest.
Even when life happens and things just do not make sense, it is important to not give up. I know first hand the importance of support and encouragement. The best thing I can do is be supportive and encouraging to my sister. Having lost a sister to cancer a little over a year ago, I never expected to have another sister face cancer. But one thing I have learned in my journey is that we do not know what the future holds.
However, we are able to make a choice in how we face the future, both the good and the bad. As a reformed pessimist, I know how easy it is to see the negative but now as an optimist, I have a much better perspective when faced with all types of circumstances. Even when it seems to not make sense, I will continue to be an optimist. For me, hope is essential in my journey. Without hope, how can anyone persevere in life or offer encouragement to others?
My Personal Perspective of the Tragic Death of Miriam Carey
October 10, 2013
On Thursday, October 3rd 2013, Miriam Carey, a 34 year old mother was shot dead after a car chase through Washington DC. Ironically, on the morning of October 3rd, I had a telephone interview with a producer of a Canadian news program that is planning to do a show on postpartum psychosis. I had a busy day so I only read a brief news headline about the incident later that day. It was not until the next morning that I learned of the reports that she had her one year old in the car and had been being treated for “postpartum depression.”
Immediately, I began to have a clearer understanding of what she may have been experiencing. You see back in early 1996, I was struck with an illness that my family and I did not even know existed. My son was 8 weeks old when I was forcibly hospitalized and initially told I had postpartum depression. The initial diagnosis was wrong. Two weeks later I had to be hospitalized again but this time my family made sure I got a second opinion. It was then that I received the correct diagnosis of postpartum psychosis.
Sadly, Miriam Carey, will never get to tell her story. Although the media and other sources have been reporting information (often inaccurate) on what they believe happened, as an overcomer of postpartum psychosis, I feel I have some understanding of what she was going through. Every situation is unique but understanding comes from having walked in similar shoes. I do not know Miriam’s medical history or direct experience but I imagine she was experiencing similar things that I did during my nearly 2 year recovery period.
Although I did get the correct diagnosis of postpartum psychosis 2 weeks after the first onset of serious symptoms, my condition gradually turned in to postpartum depression and anxiety. Having no history of mental illness, these experiences were all new to me. I do not know the details of Miriam’s situation but I do know that even if the correct diagnosis is given and correct medication is prescribed that alone is not enough. Even under the best circumstances, the recovery process can be long and difficult.
For me, and I imagine for Miriam as well, I had supportive family and friends but I never had the opportunity to talk to a mom that had experienced anything like I had. Guilt, shame, anxiety, fear and isolation were often present for me long after the diagnosis was given.
Although the statistics of postpartum psychosis are often cited as 1 to 2 out of 1,000 births, I suspect the numbers are higher. Regardless of whether or not the occurrence is higher, when you look at those statistics worldwide, they impact a large number of families. Many families are affected that we will never know about but for Miriam and her family, tragedy has happened and is being projected for the whole world to see. My heart breaks for them. Why is it that it takes tragedy to happen for maternal mental health to get the needed attention it deserves?
I wish Miriam would have had the opportunity to connect with other mothers’ who could relate to what she was going through. In my case, I ultimately did but it was not until after my recovery when my child was 3 years old. Mothers should not feel guilt, shame or isolation but rather should be lifted up, encouraged and receive the proper care and treatment that is deserved. As a result of my own experience, I now speak out for those mothers that are unable to speak out for themselves. Tragically, Miriam is now one of those mothers.
Every mother has a voice yet not every voice can be heard so for those of us able to lift our voice, let us shout out to all mothers “You are not alone.”
Is Suicide Always Planned in Advance?
September 16, 2013
September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. As a result, I would like to share my personal perspective on whether or not suicide is always planned in advance. It is often assumed that it is but my own experience reveals that it is not. Although this is my personal experience and in my own words, I must alert the readers that if you or a loved one has had a direct experience with suicide, reading about the details of such a story may trigger difficult emotions and feelings. Of course, it is an option for you to read no further. If you do read further and you find this to be the case, I encourage you to turn to a trained professional that can help you process your feelings.
In reviewing my weekly planner during the spring of 1997, there was nothing in it that seemed unusual. I had both personal and work-related activities and events scheduled. I had even marked some holidays and special events in joyful participation. Looking back at my journal, during that period of time, I wrote how much better I was feeling since the onset of postpartum psychosis in early 1996. So what happened next was completely unexpected.
One morning in April 1997, my son vomited. I remember always feeling troubled when my son got sick. He did not seem to have any other signs of sickness and it did not seem serious so I took him to day care. Looking back, I have no memory of driving my son to the day care center. But I did. I have no memory of driving myself back home. Yet, I did.
What I do remember on that day was the feeling of dreadful worry. My mind and heart were racing. I was in a state of panic. Why? I did not know. I couldn’t stop the tension I was feeling nor could I relax. At that moment I was unable to remember how happy and positive my life was and had been before I was struck with postpartum psychosis.
The fear was gripping me so strongly that I began to feel panic like I never had before. It was gripping and consuming. There was nowhere to hide or escape. I felt sheer terror! I physically felt as if I was jumping out of my skin. The fear invaded me completely consuming my body, mind and spirit.
I had a passing thought that if I could get some sleep, things would be better. I felt I had to escape from whatever “it” was that was consuming my mind with fear. I no longer consciously thought or acted on my own. I could no longer make rational decisions. I reached up on top of the refrigerator. I grabbed one of the bottles of the medicine my doctor prescribed me. I reached in the refrigerator for a wine cooler that had been in there since before I was pregnant. I popped the pills in my mouth and drank the wine cooler. Although I remember what I did, it was as if my physical actions were detached from the rest of me. I was no longer able to process my thoughts.
After a short time, the telephone rang. I hear my husband’s voice on the other end. He asks if everything is okay. I told him very matter-of-factually what I had done. That is the last memory I have of that day. If it was not for my husband having a strong urge to contact me at that moment, I most likely would not have survived. I am thankful every day for my life being spared.
I do not have all the answers as to why I survived when so many others do not survive. I only know that as a result of my experience, I am compelled to share hope with others. In my case, what happened on that day in April 1997 was not planned in advance, there were no warning signs and there was no explanation or justification for my actions. It came on suddenly and out of nowhere. Although every experience and journey is unique, in my humble opinion, I believe many of those who attempt suicide or take their own life, experience the consuming panic and fear similar to what I did.
My hope is that by sharing a part of my own journey it provides better understanding, lessens feelings of guilt and shame, prevents the casting of blame and brings some measure of comfort wherever the journey has taken you or your loved ones.
Always remember there is hope even when it may seem hopeless. Help is available when you or a loved one is in crisis.
Suicide Prevention Resource Center